September 2020 Newsletter

I love you brother. I wish I had said it a million more times and a million after that. We will never forget you. Rest peacefully. We will meet again one day. If you or someone you know is in crisis, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (8255) or contact the Crisis Text Line by texting TALK to 741741. I know you're where you want to be but you have left us broken- hearted. Nothing will ever be the same. There is not one day I don’t think about my brother. I don’t know if that’s a good thing or a bad thing. Sometimes I don’t want to remember. It hurts too much to think about him. But I sure as hell don’t want to forget. EVER. When I think about him too much it feels like I can't breathe. I want to run with no end in sight. I want o scream at him. I want to hug him. I want to hear his laugh. I’ve never been one to give up or even think about giving up. Despite what life throws at me, I keep going. That is why I cannot understand. How could he do this to us? How are we supposed to live with this pain of not having him in our lives? Things will never be the same, no matter how hard we try to make everything seem normal. The day we sang happy birthday to him, my brother was surrounded by hundreds of people, family and friends that loved him from near and far. We all sang happy birthday on the day of his funeral,  once at the church and one last time as he was being descended into the dark, cold ground. I wish he could have seen how many people were there. I wish he had realized how many people cared about him. I didn't say I love you enough to my brother. Check on your loved ones. No matter how ok they seem, always check on them. Have the hard conversations. Tell them you love them, over and over.  Love them unconditionally. 5